


Uselessness of Denying the Inevitable, The

by coupdepam



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-12
Updated: 2004-01-12
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:19:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coupdepam/pseuds/coupdepam
Summary: Sam's nuts for dental hygiene...well that's what he told CJ...





	Uselessness of Denying the Inevitable, The

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**The Uselessness of Denying the Inevitable**

**by:** coupdepam 

**Character(s):** Sam, CJ and a dentist  
**Category(s):** Angst/Humour  
**Rating:** G  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own them but I like to think that Sam belongs to us now.  
**Summary:** Sam's nuts for dental hygiene...well that's what he told CJ...  
**Author's Note:** Written for Suilven, her toothache inspired me. 

“I’m not going to say anything until you give the word.” CJ was speaking to Toby but she was looking at Sam. He looked wrong somehow but she couldn’t decide what it was. They had all been staying later than normal recently but Sam had seemed to thrive on the added stressful environment. But now, CJ decided, Sam looked very un-Sam-like.

Toby started to reply to CJ but she cut him off. “What’s with the long face, Samson?”

“What happened to Samshine?” Sam asked.

“You don’t look so sunny right now. And I do seriously think that your hair might have superhuman qualities.”

Sam sighed. “Why, why, why Delilah?”

Toby rubbed irritably at his forehead. “Josh, a few moments ago I was holding a meeting about how to deal with Bankcroft’s comments. What happened?”

“I don’t know but you’ve got to admit that Sam does have a good head of hair.”

Toby threw the pad he was holding onto his desk. “I sometimes wonder why I… Okay, Sam, what’s up? Let’s get this over with.”

“Nothing’s up. Why should anything be up? I’m just sitting here with my incredible hair waiting for this meeting to end so I can go back to my office and pretend I work with normal people.” Sam had managed not to say very much at all up until now but by the end of his rant he couldn’t hide the wince that the movement of his jaw had produced.

“You’ve got something wrong with your mouth!” CJ exclaimed. “Ah ha!”

“Ah ha? Are you planning a career as a comedy villain?” Sam asked.

“There was a time, not so long ago, when I had a toothache, a toothache that resulted in root canal surgery.”

Josh tried not to grimace at the memories that the phrase conjured up for him.

“I was happy with my pain, Sam. I was coping with it. But you, my very good friend, made arrangements for me to visit my dentist. And, we all know what the consequences of that were.”

This time Josh visibly shrunk into the sofa. “Is it time for my ‘I apologise for screwing up the briefing’ speech again?” 

“No, it’s time for me to help Sam like he helped me. Your teeth are the best friends you’ll have,” CJ said as she walked towards him.

“Oh God,” Sam moaned.

“You look after them and they’ll look after you.” CJ sat beside him on the sofa.

“I really don’t need to go to the dentist,” Sam insisted. “It’s just a little toothache, it’s just sensitive, it will go away.”

“That is just what I said to you, Sam, but you made me see the uselessness of denying the inevitable. And I’ve been meaning to thank you ever since.”

Sam didn’t know how CJ managed to say the words ‘thank you’ with such underlying menacing tones.

“As much as I’m enjoying this little show, we really do need to sort out our response to Bankcroft,” Toby said. “Sam, if you need to visit the dentist get it done this morning. We’re going to be flat out this afternoon.”

“I really don’t need to visit my dentist,” Sam said and he glared at CJ as the meeting continued.

 

An hour later Sam was sitting at his desk, wondering if it was acceptable for a man to cry because of a toothache, when CJ walked into his office and sat down in the chair opposite him.

“How’s the tooth?”

“There is no tooth! My teeth are fine and dandy thank you very much.”

“Have you made an appointment?”

“I have not, because I don’t need one.”

“Sam, Sam, Sam.” CJ walked over to Sam and perched on his desk. “Your teeth are the best friends you’ve got. Come on, spill the name of your dentist and I’ll get you booked in.”

“For the love of- Look, I’m fine.”

“Not to mention dandy.”

“Exactly and I don’t need a dentist, I don’t need to make an appointment with a dentist, I don’t need to see or speak to anyone in the dental care profession. Now will you please stop being some sort of frightening tooth fairy and leave me alone!” Sam’s voice had risen until he was shouting and this time he couldn’t hide the pain that before had been a thumping in one tooth but had now spread to the whole of his jaw.

CJ leaned forward and grabbed his arm. “Your tooth really does hurt doesn’t it?”

“It really, really does,” Sam moaned and now that he had admitted it he decided it would be acceptable to at least sniffle. Maybe CJ was going to have a rare maternal moment. He could really do with a bit of pampering at the moment. Suddenly Sam found he could keep his secret no longer. He mirrored CJ’s grip on his arm by placing his hand on hers as he whispered, “I’m terrified of dentists!”

CJ’s eyes widened in surprise. “But you’re nuts about dental hygiene.”

Sam let go of her and shut the door. “I am. I floss, I brush, I gargle but I haven’t been to the dentist for over twenty years.”

CJ sat down. She had a feeling that a Sam-rant was coming her way.

“I haven’t needed to. I’ve got great teeth you see. I used to go regularly when I was a kid and the dentist always said, ‘Mrs Seaborn, your son has perfect teeth’. I was the California Sunshine Smile boy of 1978. I’m saying, these were perfect teeth. My wisdom teeth came through with no problems, one day I had had twenty-eight teeth the next pop, pop, pop, pop, I had thirty-two. I’ve never had a filling, I don’t even think I’ve had a toothache before, there was a time a couple of years ago when I bashed my mouth on a hockey stick and that hurt for a while but apart from that, nothing. I have perfect teeth. And they shouldn’t do this to you, be all white and nice and straight for most of your life and then wake you up with a pain that feels like they’re trying to tunnel through your jaw.”

CJ smiled sadly at Sam. She stood up and guided him back to his chair. “Wait here.”

Sam really did think that crying might be acceptable now. His door was closed, Toby and Josh were in a meeting and he could always pretend his contact lenses were bothering him if anyone came in. He looked up in surprise as CJ came bursting back into his office wearing her coat. She handed Sam his and grabbed his hand.

 

Sam was silent in the car. He knew CJ was taking him to a dentist, he knew it was inevitable, he also knew that she would have had to pull a few strings to get an appointment at such short notice, he knew he should say thank you but still he wondered if diving out of a moving car might be less painful than what he was about to experience.

“So is this your dentist we’re going to see?” Sam asked. Now that his secret was out he didn’t mind CJ hearing the waver in his voice as he said the word dentist.

“Carol recommended him. He has quite a good reputation and apparently that man that died already had a heart condition, so…”

“I’m in agony, I’ve bared my soul to you and you’re playing with my mind.”

“I am, Samson, but only to keep your pecker up and if you don’t cry I’m going to buy you a popsicle on the way home.” CJ pulled the car into a space and as good as pushed Sam through the door.

 

Sam sat in the waiting room as CJ spoke to the receptionist. He reached over and picked up a magazine from the table, flicking through the pages absently.

“You need to fill in these,” she said as she placed the forms on top of the magazine.

“Why?” Sam asked in alarm.

“In case you die, Sam! God! Did your brain fall out when your tooth started hurting?”

They sat in silence after that, CJ reading Cosmopolitan and Sam tapping his fingers nervously together.

“Mr Sam Seaborn?” the receptionist, who had silently appeared in the doorway, called. CJ poked Sam in his stomach and he jumped out of his chair and followed the woman towards the end of the corridor. CJ settled back and turned back to the article she had been engrossed in. Half an hour later Sam emerged from the treatment room. He looked a little shell-shocked but definitely pain free.

CJ stood and watched as Sam handed over his credit card and then laughed conspiratorially with the receptionist as she placed a large yellow sticker on Sam’s lapel. He pulled at his jacket and shook his head when he read the words ‘My dentist makes me smile’ that were printed around the picture of a smiling frog.

 

Outside, Sam pulled at CJ’s arm and pointed to his mouth. “He took it out! It was broken right down the middle. I did it last night on my pen lid. Writing can be a dangerous business.” CJ shook her head and smiled as Sam put his arm through hers and followed her back to the car.

 

Sam sat through a meeting with Toby and a Congressman and had lunch with Josh before the numbness started to wear off. He downed a couple of painkillers before heading to the Oval Office. He was pleased that he could now talk without feeling like half of his mouth was on the floor and enthusiastically discussed many issues with the president. After making a number of points, one of which was totally contradictory to the president’s views, Sam sat back and folded his arms. He was back! He may have acted like a scared child this morning, he may have contemplated crying in his office, he may even have let CJ see him at his most vulnerable but now he was back. Sam Seaborn, smooth, articulate, intelligent advisor to the President of the United States.

Bartlet stared at Sam and sat forward in his chair. “Sam, is your dentist by any chance a hooker?”

Sam tried to block out the sound of his colleagues’ laughter as he hurriedly grabbed at his jacket and pulled off the sticker.

“Because, I have to tell you, my dentist is one of the best in Washington but if your dentist makes you smile I just wondered if there was something I was missing out on.”

Sam stood and his papers fell from his lap. He asked if the meeting was over and Leo managed to choke out that it was before Sam grabbed at the scattered documents, rushed from the room and back to his office. He didn’t stop to look at anyone as he walked quickly to the sanctuary of his office. He avoided everyone and ignored Ginger calling his name as he rushed past her and shut the door behind him. 

 

An hour later Sam’s office door opened and he walked out and handed Bonnie a file. He tried to do it with an air of authority but the flash of yellow caught his eye and without looking at it again, he knew. He didn’t even have to look around to know that every single person in the Bullpen was wearing a ‘My dentist makes me smile’ sticker. Charlie was wearing his, Toby had stuck his on his mug and Donna had already laminated hers and made it into a badge. He retreated back to his office and heard his best friend’s voice. “Just ignore them Sam. Anyone who has ever had toothache like yours wouldn’t join in with this sticker thing.”

Sam smiled and looked up. Josh had stuck his sticker on his forehead. “Then again, I’ve never had toothache like yours, so…”

Sam let his head hit the desk and wondered if doing so repeatedly would knock him out without leading to any permanent damage. Somewhere outside he could hear CJ singing I’m a Pink Toothbrush and then he started to plot. He remembered that Thanksgiving was coming up, he remembered how a local choir was keen to be invited to the White House this year and he remembered how much CJ had hated leading the singing in the Rose Garden last year. Suddenly, Sam started to feel a whole lot better.

The End


End file.
